Get out of my head

Sigh, to be a real life ninja would be so fun. Exciting even. Being able to defend yourself against all odds. Stopping injustice when you see it by pure force...OH THE POWER. Ok, so this is a little dramatic. But i've just discovered Jeet Kune Do. This is what Bruce Lee developed and mastered. A friend told me about this the other day and that it was an all women's class. So this, obviously is a plus for me. Some of the techniques we're going to be learning are:
* Filipino weapons
* Brazillian Jiu Jistsu
* Panantukan
* Pananjakman
* Wing Chun
* Muay Thai Boxing
* Savate
* Silat
* Western Boxing

Last night was my first class. We started with warm ups, which i hate, but are a necessary evil. Then onto learning some simple punching drills and onto the basic use of the kali sticks. SO MUCH FUN! I'm so excited for next week! And it's not just the fact that i now consider myself a ninja in training, but the fact that i'm learning to protect myself. Hopefully i'll never need to, but if the time ever came where i would be forced to protect myself i know that i will have the confidence to assess the situation and know how to best protect myself.

It's amazing, knowing that i will be developing a new sense of awareness, reflexes and body coordination.

I'll keep you posted!!
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Ahhhhh, you HAVE to love a great soundtrack. I mean really, it's like being able to take a movie along with you that tugged at your heartstrings, made you angry, or made you cry like a baby. I just wanted to add this as a daily thought. So dreamy. The P.S. I love you soundtrack is amazing. sigh....

Other amazing soundtracks include:
Into the Wild
Braveheart
Waking Ned Devine
Romeo & Juliet
Moulin Rouge
Wanted
Pulp Fiction
From Dusk Till Dawn
Kill Bill 1
Kill Bill 2
Love Actually
Closer
Labyrinth
Les Miserables
Pump up the Volume
Fast Times at Ridgmont High
the Breakfast Club
Phantom of the Opera
Tommy
Trainspotting
Dirty Dancing
Juno
8 Mile
Almost Famous
Mama Mia
Pink Floyd, The Wall
Oh Brother, Where art thou
Walk the Line
The Wedding Singer
Lord of the Rings
Reservoir Dogs
Pirates of the Caribbean
The Lost Boys
Apocalypse Now
Boyz in the Hood

Ok, now i'm gonna go download ALL of these!

So throughout my life i have always found myself to be fat. Not just overweight but FAT. So it makes sense that from time to time i look in the mirror and just sigh. Not a sigh of contentment but of defeat. Like i have nothing left to give. Like i have nothing left to prove to the world or myself. Like i need to give up before i can face the great feeling of weight loss and then the utter let down of self sabotage.
I suppose things go WAY back. Back to the days when I was never as big as I thought i was. Back to when i would look in the mirror, at 8 years old, and see a whale. Looking back, i was NEVER that big. How could i have thought that i was huge back then? I see pictures of a healthy child, not a fat child.
I guess what all those other kids said was a lie...who would have thought? Who would have thought that nasty adults would ever lie to me? When my babysitter told me that i was disgusting...why did i believe it? Of course if my mother knew what was going on she would have gone pro-wrestler on her ass, but of course, i was terrified that my mom...the only strength i knew, would be hurt. So i kept silent.
And it continued into my adolescence and into adult hood. Always feeling bigger than i actually was. I should have been happy with my weight, but instead i hated myself. And now...as i have been putting off weighing myself for the last three months, i realize why. Because i have become that girl...the one that is always over weight...and to think, if i had just ignored what people were saying 10 years ago, i may be a different person today. But the fact is that, with out a doubt, i believed them. When i looked in the mirror i didn't see health. I saw worse. I saw disgusting. I saw something to be ashamed of. I saw no reason to try because they wouldn't accept me anyways. Unless i was one of the beautiful ones. One of the women that were born with a destiny to have 36-28-34. But that's not me. So i have to work.
And i'm ok with that. Finally i think i'm ok with it. I don't care what they think anymore. I CAN'T care what they think any more because it's not about them. It's about me. And that's the only person i can control. And i plan to do it.
I'm not happy about my weight today..but maybe next week i will be. And the week after that, i hope to be even happier.

We'll see....

wish me luck.
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I don't think it's any secret among many of my friends that i have a fascination with all things strange and 'otherworldly'. And omg, i love Coast to Coast AM. If you haven't checked this site out, by all means...go there now! The site leaves something to be desired, but they're making a new one this month. I love the fact that people can call in all over the world and talk about everything from Alien Abduction to the apocalypse, to 2012 predictions, to miracles, to gnomes (my secret love) to everything someone could want to talk about. Fer real...so great.
This is just a little tid-bit of my many fascinations...perhaps i'll explain why gnomes are so great tomorrow. I'll have to put together an edited list of how great these little guys in pointed red hats truly are. /sigh....<3 gnome.

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